


her natasha

by atlantisairlock



Category: Marvel, Marvel (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Winter Soldier (Comics)
Genre: Alternate Canon, Alternate Universe - Character Swap, Alternate Universe - Role Reversal, Angst with a Happy Ending, F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-17
Updated: 2014-06-10
Packaged: 2018-01-25 11:15:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,202
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1646666
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/atlantisairlock/pseuds/atlantisairlock
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"She looks like a stranger, the metal arm, the haunted eyes, the strange, foreign posture. But she is still her Natasha." </p><p>Winter Soldier AU where Maria is Steve and Natasha is Bucky.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> inspired by [ladyilena's art.](http://ladyilena.tumblr.com/post/82646599934/who-the-hell-is-natasha-i-became-so)

It's been so long, too long, and this isn't how Maria thought it would be, but it is. The gun in her hand seems a lot more solid than it was a few moments ago and every background noise has upped its tempo and heightened its pitch so it all blends into a keening, whining sound that grates on every nerve.

She stares.

Natasha stares back. She looks like a stranger, the metal arm, the haunted eyes, the strange, foreign posture. But she is still her Natasha,  _her_ _Natasha._

And so even though Maria's throat is dry, her hand shaking, and it seems like forever before she can grate out the words, she still manages a hesitant, croaky, _"Natasha...?"_

Natasha's eyes narrow imperceptibly, and she takes one step forward. Her lips part and her next words make Maria's heart plummet and her head spin and everything, _everything_ is wrong and her world is falling to pieces.

_"Who the hell is Natasha?"_


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> inspired by [this fanfiction.](https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10254830/1/Till-The-End-Of-The-Line)

"Your name is Natalia Alianovna Romanova...  _Natasha Romanoff_ \- "

"Shut up!" Natasha screams at her, lashing out at Maria, metal hitting metal as she knocks Maria's gun from her hand, leaving it spinning on the ground. 

" - I'm not going to fight you - "

Maria doesn't even hit back when Natasha punches her straight in the face, following through and leaving her stumbling back, gasping. There's a wound splitting her lip open and leaving a gash on her face, and she struggles to take a breath. She doesn't reach for the gun, just lets her knees buckle into a yielding position as she looks up at Natasha beseechingly.

" - you're my friend. My lover.  _I love you."  
_

If Natasha hears the plea in the last three words it doesn't process. She charges towards Maria without hesitation, without mercy, and the blows land with equal amounts of precision and brute strength. "You're my  _mission,_ " she snarls, and Maria feels something ache inside her, dull and cold. It hurts - not the way Natasha's punches are hurting, sudden explosions of pain against her ribs, her gut, her face, not the way there is a moment of overwhelming agony when the bones shatter beneath her skin - it just hurts like a burn eating her inside out. 

Natasha's green eyes are blank and glassy, like polished jade, not the warm lush spring green she remembers, not the green she remembers waking up to on early mornings in a past that seems like it's lifetimes away, not the green she faced when Natasha first pressed a kiss to her lips. Everything inside her screams that  _this is not my Natasha,_ but beneath the icy mirrors there is something more. There is something. Somewhere in there still lives her Natasha, with her mischievous smirk and sharp tongue and good heart.

She sheds a tear before she can blink it back, more from the sight of this stranger inhabiting Natasha's body than the physical pain that seems to assault her everywhere. Natasha sees it, and there is a single moment of hesitance and confusion, her arm stilling in the act of being pulled back.

Without thinking Maria raises her hand and her knuckles trail weakly down Natasha's cheek before her arm falls uselessly to her side again. "Do it," she rasps. "Finish it."

 _because i'm with you till the end of the line,_ she remembers Natasha saying to her, back then, back when -

"Because I'm with you..." She chokes on the blood pooling in her mouth, running down the sides of her lips. "Till the end of the line." 

Something flickers in Natasha's eyes, and even though everything is turning two shades darker and hazier, fuzzier, Maria smiles. "I forgive you," she whispers, because she has full faith that one day Natasha  _will_ remember - remember _everything_ - and if this is how she's going to die, if she never gets to see Natasha again, she needs Natasha to know, somehow, that it's okay. That she understands. It was HYDRA, it was never her, Maria knew. That till the very end, she loved her. That she forgives her. It's okay.  

"I forgive you," she repeats, as Natasha's arm drops and the toe of her boot crashes into Maria's side, sending her over the edge into the Potomac. 

Maria smiles and lets herself go.

 

 

_your name is natalia alianovna romanova... natasha romanoff._

The Winter Soldier. 

_i'm not going to fight you._

She did it, Natasha looks down at the swirling river.  _I did it._

_you're my friend. my lover._

She could run. She wouldn't even need to hide. She could outmatch anybody in her way. 

_i love you._

She's never heard those words before. Not really.

Or has she?

Something fizzles and crackles in her memory, igniting her senses. A ghost of a touch, a laugh, a kiss.

_i love you._

Natasha turns and does a flawless dive into the Potomac, breaching the surface and pushing herself deeper, deeper into the depths. Her target's sinking slowly, limp, limbs slack, eyes closed.

Natasha reaches out for the target, grabs her collar and pulls them both upwards. 

The target.

Maria.

_Maria._

 

 

Before she passes out completely, Maria thinks she sees a gleam of silver, a five-pointed star, a flash of red hair. Red like blood, red like a ledger - red.

But then again, it's probably just a trick of the mind. 

Then... blackness. 


	3. Chapter 3

She's in Medical and she has no idea how she got there. The doctors tell her she's been out for days and they give her a rundown of her injuries that she doesn't really process, until one of them wraps up and casually says "you have a visitor."

Maria nods noncommittally, still too sluggish to fully understand anything, until the door opens and there's a flash of steel, there's red hair and there's hesitant steps and her heart stops for a moment.

"Natasha?"

The Winter Soldier inclines her head to the right. "Yes."

Maria's out of her bed in seconds, crossing the room to where Natasha stands despite the squawks of indignant protest from the medical officers. "You're here."

Natasha looks equal parts confused and self-conscious. "I was at... the Smithsonian. And they found me, and they brought me... here? And they said... they said I could see you. I wanted to see you."

"It was you, wasn't it?" Maria breathes, not taking her eyes off Natasha. "You saved me."

Her eyes stay blank, but something flickers behind the glass. "I need your help... I need you to help me remember. I want to remember." Natasha frowns and reaches up to touch Maria's lips. "I remember... a little bit." She hesitates, brows furrowing as she tries to recall, before shaking her head in frustration. "Not much. But I know... I must have loved you a lot."

The tears begin to blur Maria's vision. "You did." She leans forward and presses a light kiss against Natasha's forehead, her cheek, the edge of her mouth. "I did, too." 

Something lightens in those green eyes and they become so much more familiar to Maria than before. "Can you help me remember?" 

Maria wraps her arms around Natasha's waist and kisses her, a slow, deep burn down her every nerve ending, she feels Natasha kissing back -

and Natasha remembers. 


End file.
